fast machine

THE BROWN BUNNY

Sun, 19 May 2013 11:30:56 -0400

feel like the fictional person i most relate to currently is the cheryl tiegs character in the brown bunny.

KGM: word on the street is one of my fav people of all time,...

Sat, 18 May 2013 00:27:00 -0400

KGM: word on the street is one of my fav people of all time, miss kendra grant malone, is going to be on brad listi sunday. get your benson & hedges and bloody marys ready.

Academy of the Overrated. Just watched Manhattan again. Seems...

Sat, 18 May 2013 00:09:00 -0400

Academy of the Overrated. Just watched Manhattan again. Seems like being a cynic is the easiest thing you can be in life.

apparently, no mating needed. found out my daughter’s...

Sat, 18 May 2013 00:05:00 -0400

apparently, no mating needed. found out my daughter’s bearded dragon is going to lay eggs soon. as you can tell by this x-ray. wtf. good joke, pet smart pet care sheet. (she sure has some nice thighs, though, don’t she?)

i don’t know what i find the most...

Wed, 15 May 2013 11:42:00 -0400

i don’t know what i find the most disturbing/intoxicating/horrifying about this hardcore bearded dragon porn video:

1. the intensity with which “charlie“‘s latched on to the back of “peanut“‘s head

2. the fact that some asswipe named them charlie and peanut

3. the fact that Rush’s Tom Sawyer is playing in the background (then again, what should be playing when two bearded dragons make sweet love on a hardwood floor while a human asswipe films it? ok, maybe Rush)

4. the pitch blackness of the male beardies beard

5. all the “waving” peanut does throughout to express submissiveness

6. the extreme genitalia closeup

7. the way charlie seems to use both feet to hold himself “in”

8. thinking of our female beardie “gettin it” from charlie

9. the touchdown style dance charlie does immediately after

10. how into it i am

GUMMO yesterday i watched Gummo twice, with two different...

Sun, 05 May 2013 23:58:37 -0400

GUMMO

yesterday i watched Gummo twice, with two different people. i think i’d only ever seen the bath tub scene. (sorry if i lied to you or made it seem like i had seen the whole thing.) made me feel like if harmony korine had been my brother, i would have appreciated growing up in BFE, OHIO more. (pics of me and my mom and friends)

i love thinking of these as chelsea’s legs. maybe this can...

Sun, 05 May 2013 21:43:11 -0400

i love thinking of these as chelsea’s legs. maybe this can be her book cover.

next sf/ld book: EVEN THOUGH I DON’T MISS YOU by CHELSEA “lil’ bitch” MARTIN

1. we have a new set of poems for you EVERY (week) day this month from old friends, like Mike Young, Gene Morgan, and Kendra Grant Malone, as well as new Ho faves like Virginia Konchan and Calvero!

2. THIS FALL WE ARE PUTTING OUT OUR NEXT SF/LD BOOK: CHELSEA MARTIN’S EVEN THOUGH I DON’T MISS YOU.

(via Hobart :: May = National Poetry Month, Y’All!)

NARC

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 15:40:43 -0400

feel like writing a book is the most narcissistic thing you can do in 2013.

LDR

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 21:27:12 -0400

LDR

HOTEL CULTURE - HOBART 15 - SUBMIT Hobart print subs are...

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 17:34:54 -0400

HOTEL CULTURE - HOBART 15 - SUBMIT

Hobart print subs are reopened. the next theme (for issue 15) is “hotel culture.” whatever that means. don’t take it too seriously. aaron and i are reading all subs blind; will each pick 4 stories independently and 3 or 4 together. SUBMIT.

i don’t know why we picked this theme. i just really love hotels. nice ones. shitty ones. in cities. in the middle of fucking nowhere. your sub need not be set in one. a passing mention, maybe? who the fuck knows.

(pics of mary miler/chloe caldwell/amy butcher/me in chicago hotel last weekend)

bearparadecom by Gene Morgan

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 10:47:00 -0400

bearparadecom by Gene Morgan:

excited to be publishing a new poem by my favorite texas gangsta GENE MORGAN on HOBART next month. poem concerns rich people and miami and meat and yachts. watch for it.

i don't know what this guy's problem is

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 13:59:00 -0400

i don’t write for a male audience. or a female audience. or any fucking audience. frankly, i could not care less if you (or anyone else) respects me. and i would hope your (potential) daughter and my daughter wouldn’t give a fuck either. because if you’re writing something in order to earn the respect of a gender (or of one person), you’re probably going to be writing pretty boring, bland shit.

it’s interesting, however, that you say you’re interested in respecting women (and women writers) and then use a word like “icky” in response to it or the way it makes you feel or the way you think it will make someone else feel. (can you imagine publicly responding in a similar way to “gay” or “homosexual” writing?)

it’s of no surprise, however, that you seem completely up academia’s ass. most people who write “safe” “uninteresting” fiction, etc., are.

http://burrowpress.tumblr.com/post/47117857036/reading-books-by-female-authors

word.

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 21:14:25 -0400

animalplanet:

people make me so angry spreading stupid ass rumors about tarantulas and other animals/reptiles being these horrible deadly creatures. please don’t make any post containing animal facts unless you seriously know what you’re talking about.

chloe caldwell and i spent our time in southern indiana alone in...

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 18:05:00 -0400

chloe caldwell and i spent our time in southern indiana alone in our hotel room drinking whiskey and skyping with random people because the young male student we tried to lure to our hotel there wouldn’t come (you know he’s regretting this right now but also, eff it, cuz he wasn’t even old enough to buy us more whiskey) and marie calloway wouldn’t skype with us (wtf?).

What's Elizabeth Ellen's Twitter handle?

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 00:58:48 -0400

she doesn’t have a twitter. lol.

don’t fuck with me when we’re playing ping pong,...

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 20:19:06 -0500

don’t fuck with me when we’re playing ping pong, bro.

Lil’ Bitches ReUnite in NYC, March 29th, Writers Reading to...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 14:00:10 -0500

Lil’ Bitches ReUnite in NYC, March 29th, Writers Reading to Writers, ACME Studio in Williamsburg

with Scott McClanahan, Elizabeth Ellen, Chelsea Martin, Mira Gonzalez, Spencer Madsen, Daniel Long and Joseph Riippi

Selections from Elizabeth Ellen’s Twittter By Elizabeth Ellen,...

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 19:01:00 -0500

Selections from Elizabeth Ellen’s Twittter

By Elizabeth Ellen, edited by Elizabeth Ellen

Dec 13

just heard latina teenager in upstairs bedroom use “swerve” in sentence. had “aha” moment, then wrote down sentence in my writing journal

Dec 15

does it seem backwards to anyone else that you can get arrested for urinating in public but not for pissing your pants on a bus

Dec 19

wonder how much it would cost to have bret easton ellis start to have sex with me, then kill me instead. (would it still be considered misogyny if i paid him to do it?)

Dec 22

caught myself mumbling, “girl, i’m kendrick lamar,” while masturbating on bathroom floor again

Dec 23

woke up thinking must suck to be jakob dylan

Dec 23

feel like what dolphins are teaching us is if you’re cute enough you can get away with things like kidnapping and rape and little kids will still say you’re their fav animal

Dec 25

is it just me or does george saunders have, like, the biggest jesus-complex ever

Dec 25

every time i look at my twitter home page i find myself humming that pink floyd song about pudding and shouting, “you, yes, you!”

Dec 26

wonder what camus could have done if his life hadn’t been cut short before the internet was invented

Dec 27

wonder how huck finn would have been different if xanax and klonopin had been available in…whenever huck finn was around

Dec 27

don’t know why, but every time i see justin bobby on the hills i think of you. (mean that in a good way, i think)

Dec 28

read sign at zoo today saying male lions often kill the cubs of another male before mating with a female. felt slightly better about human beings. also my three stepdads who mostly just ignored me.

Dec 30

ready to start living like i’m in a harmony korine film. whatever that means

Jan 3

why can’t joaquin phoenix be the one who wants to write short stories and poetry in hollywood

Jan 3

wonder if andy warhol was this bored when he started the factory

Jan 4

hey, since when did kill all your heroes mean commit suicide

Jan 7

feel like madonna in truth or dare when sandra bernhard asks her who she wants to meet

Jan 7

no wait. feel like sandra bernhard in that moment

Jan 9

if i have to change your “profession” from writer to musician for you to feel comfortable i just don’t even wanna write this book

Jan 10

feel like dying in a bathtub (esp in beverly hills) wouldn’t be that bad

Jan 13

just realized every time i type a word in a word document i am (figuratively) telling my in-laws to suck my dick

Jan 16

had dream tao lin had sex with “kate upton type”; now wonder if tao lin has a “type”

Jan 19

feel like our “love affair” lasted about as long as that scene in that french film with johnny depp and that french singer’s daughter where they’re both listening to radiohead’s creep for 2 mins in a record store

Jan 20

feel “okay” with how long our love affair lasted

Jan 22

feel like dying from gall bladder surgery wouldn’t be that bad

Jan 25

every time I see name “willis plummer” think “plumber” and nothing else for approximately thirty seconds

Jan 26

feel like jimmy chen will regret this

Jan 26

feel bored by ¾ of what writers who make fun of tao lin are writing

Jan 28

thought: as soon as you start talking about “arc” and “time constraint”, you’ve sold out

Jan 28

thought: as soon as brad listi asks you to do his podcast (whether you do it or not), you’ve sold out

Jan 30

scratch that: feel bored by 9/10ths of what writers who make fun of tao lin are writing

Jan 30

feel like jimmy chen don’t regret shit

Feb 2

i will live tweet the shit out of our sex.

Feb 2

after we have sex you can live tweet our suicide.

Feb 4

yesterday ex-husband said he had a dream he met the beatles and had them sign a poster to me. said he would give signed poster to me someday. pretty sure this is nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.

Feb 4

had forgotten story of how ex-husband almost killed me with a rifle when we were first married. wasn’t that traumatic, i guess.

Feb 6

every time i hear that fleetwood mac song silver springs i think of noah cicero in a dennys parking lot in ohio

Feb 6

not gonna lie; i think of noah cicero a fair amount

Feb 9

concerned mira gonzalez only seems to have encounters with homeless men

Feb 10

trying to figure out when people stopped smoking pot and listening to led zeppelin to unwind

Feb 10

not sure if taking a pic of yourself crying every day for a year makes you a sellout or a douchebag but feels like something to do anyhow

Feb 11

if i was gonna make a valentine’s day playlist it would def include phil collins’s you’ll be in my heart from the tarzan soundtrack just cuz

Feb 11

feel like “exponentially” is megan boyle’s fav word

Feb 12

say what you will about kim kardashian but i’m pretty sure she’s a much better person – spiritually/morally – than i am

Feb 12

keep trying to make this bearded dragon like me. seems hesitant to give in

Richard Chiem reading my flash, “A Wall Away.”...

Thu, 07 Feb 2013 13:20:36 -0500

Richard Chiem reading my flash, “A Wall Away.” Thanks to Richard and his friend, Spar, for making this gorgeous video for me. <3

“My Experience Writing for Muumuu House“ is up on...

Sat, 05 Jan 2013 11:37:37 -0500

“My Experience Writing for Muumuu House“ is up on HTML GIANT today